April 20 2024 – This is easily the worst day of my life, and for good reason. I lost my best friend, and I have to live the rest of my life knowing I wasn’t there for him in his final days because I was being selfish in Syracuse. Selfishness seems to be my defining characteristic, right behind my impulsiveness.
In the end no matter how much money I was willing to spend, vets I was ready to pummel, or prayers I offered up; nothing could save my best friend. Even on death’s door he was wagging his tail and happy to see me and all I could do was hold him and hope there’s a heaven so we could be together again if I’m good enough. I would rather have injected myself with whatever the vet used than put Zub down, but unfortunately that’s not an option.
I’m trying my best to keep this site light, but it took me 5 months to get to this update because I was dreading it so much. So you’ll have to bear with 1 serious post. I typically have all of the files loaded, labeled, and ready to go weeks in advance. But my folder has stopped at April 19 (for 5 months now) because I didn’t want to go over this again. I am sobbing and wailing as if he’s passing in front of me right now and the neighbors probably think I’m insane. If they do, they’re not far off.
But Zub was worth being crazy for, and he was certainly crazy for me. We were crazy together. Nothing made me feel better than how much that little dude loved me and seemingly hated everyone else. The feeling was mutual. It felt like fate that we were together, and everything felt good when we were. But good things like that can’t possibly last forever or no one would appreciate them and they wouldn’t be so special.
So this is the last time Zub will be featured on Daily Doodle, but it’s not the last time I’ll picture him. Every morning when I look in the mirror, his face looks back at me. His ashes are near my heart so we can always be together, even in death. And hopefully seeing that every day and being reminded of my failure will result in me eventually getting my shit together, but who knows. Either way, I miss that crazy son of a bitch every single day and I’m so grateful I got to be his best friend.